This past week I have been pondering some things....wondering how I got here...to this place of being so overweight....wondering about the why....thinking about if I can really stick with this fight of living a healthy lifestyle. It seems sooo overwhelming to me at times. Which is actually kind of weird. I mean, it's just eating normal and exercising. It shouldn't have to be a huge deal....and yet, it is. Huge.
I thought about all of this all week, and the word that kept coming into my brain is Discipline. I must be disciplined. I must. Be. Disciplined.
Ick. I hate discipline.
That sounds childish I know, but it's true. I am not very disciplined when it comes to choosing a healthy lifestyle. And it's even more true, that I have many legitimate reasons that I ended up this way. But after thinking about all of the "whys" all week I have come to one conclusion....The "whys" can go take a hike! They may have happened. They may be somewhat "true" as far as who I was or how I am today as a result. But that is all they are. The past. Now....the present....is here! And I have a choice as to how I proceed! Isn't that exciting?
One more thing....a really important thing. Being disciplined has always felt icky to me because I have never known anyone whose self control is motivated by love. I have seen all kinds of motivations behind self control (needing to be in control, self worship, trying to manipulate someone else...) and they have all seemed really ugly to me. Ick. And somehow, through no credit of me at all, I am in this place....this place where I am actually motivated to make these changes because of love. Wow. Isn't that incredible? I am amazed at the good work that God is doing in me, which might sound strange to you, but trust me...I couldn't be even talking about this, if it wasn't for His unending love for me!
So for the sake of accountability I thought I'd let you know my goals for the week.
1. To make a specific goal regarding numbers...including a healthy weight and BMI
2. To keep waking early and getting some exercise.
3. To keep watching what I eat by writing it in my journal.
Please pray for me and cheer me on in this journey! I can't do it without your support.
This post is part of Motivation Monday. Head over to Inspired to Action to hear more about it. Leave me a comment about what you are working on in your life and I'll pray for you!