This is me starting somewhere. Just writing because I have this need to write and for a long while now have not had the energy or clearness of thought to be able to put anything down on the page. Life has been a challenge lately. The kind where you find yourself just never really getting to the bottom of anything but the one thing you do know is that you have to keep going. You have to keep waking up every day and putting both feet to the ground and choosing to stand up and do all the things that are before you.
This isn't to say that there have been no moments of joy. There have been plenty. It's just that I have had only enough to find them and notice them and give a small whisper of thanks and then move on. And that's okay. It's just the season we've been in.
Today, running on very little sleep I have been able to do the dishes and some laundry and help sick boys and make lunch. I feel very accomplished. :)
Our unborn baby is growing well. Moving around a lot according to the ultrasounds, but I still do not feel movement. I have a suspicion that the placenta might be in the front this time which makes it harder to feel these things.
This morning I was really feeling like I wished it would snow. The bright whiteness of a good snow always seems like such a fresh start to me. I whispered a little prayer about this. And God answered with the smallest of snows, just flurries that dusted the rooftop out my kitchen window. Like He was saying that He wanted me to know, that even though He couldn't give me what I wanted just then, He heard me. He always hears me and listens and cares. Even when the answer is no or the answer is just silence. And as cliche as it sounds the truth is He leaves me a peace that fills me up.
So I keep putting my feet to the floor every morning.