Some days are challenging for the mother person over here. I really love these boys, this man, this house....this life. I am so glad to be here, alive and well, and able to work and think and love. I see my mothering as an opportunity to show these little people and this man how very much I love them. It's so practical, isn't it? Every time I choose to serve them (think...wipe a nose or bum or do another load of laundry) and I serve willingly I find a joy that awakens me in a way I have never known before. It's really so cool and even though I am the one experiencing it, it is somehow not of me and I know this to be true.
Today just when things were getting challenging....a sudden feverish boy....an afternoon slipping away from me with nothing really "done" (i'm working on a deep clean of the house)....the littlest boy crying, crying, crying and me not being able to figure out what he needs.... I walked around my kitchen with no real purpose thinking how I wish my mother were here to help me. Or how I would just like to complain to someone, as if that would help me.
Just then, I looked out the big kitchen window and saw a mother deer and two fawns walking through the gently falling snow. They visited our grape vines looking for any little bits of goodness to nibble and then over to the evergreens to graze on the tops. It was so calming to see them, and I felt reminded of the story of how God takes care of even the sparrow. And how He knows the number of hairs on my head. And I told Him how I felt about the fever and the cleaning and the crying and the no supper ready and I felt much better. I watched the snow fall and He set me right again. And each time my faith is encouraged like that it grows deeper and more certain and the work gets easier and the joy deeper.
The boys are settling in for the night. Papa's reading stories to the little nodding heads. I'm going to conquer the laundry and the dishes and the bookshelf that needs some help.