Friday, July 16, 2010

The Dream

I had the strangest dream last night. Several actually. One though that won't leave my mind today no matter how busy I am supposed to be. (we are getting ready to go to the big Anniversary Party at my mom and dad's this weekend) It's just such a crazy, meaningful, intense dream that I thought I'd share it with you all, in case it means anything to you too.

It starts out with a room full of people. Waiting people. Some are sitting in chairs up against the wall in this giant hallway and room. Some are sitting on the floor. Others are standing around in groups. A hushed murmur of talking can be heard. It seems like it must be a college or university. The dream goes in and out of the groups of people and you hear that what everyone is waiting for is to find out what part they are playing. Then I realized that I was actually there too. Waiting to hear what my part would be.

We had all tried out for a role in the opera at this prestigious university. There were hundreds of people there. Then suddenly this young, stylish, educated looking man comes into the waiting area and everyone gets really quiet. He comes right up to me, and asks me my name. I tell him and he looks for my name on this list. He finds it quickly.
"Yes. You have a part, " he says. My heart quivers with excitement. Any part is good you see. Really, really good because there are hundreds of other talented people here.

"You will be playing the Good Wife." My heart sinks, just a little, because that is far from the lead role. A little part even. And I guess I was hoping for something bigger.

He continues, "Yes, the Good Wife. Can you do that? Will you do it? Will you play the role of the Good Wife?" He says this as if he is really excited for me. Like he cares about me so much and he knows I will be perfect for the part.

"Yes. I will!" I say.

The man quickly moves on to the next person, and suddenly I become really aware that J is there too. Not with me there, but there. Somewhere. And we are not married yet, but had been dating and I was desperately in love with him. And I suddenly realize that I need to find out what part he got. So I follow the man passing out the roles. I push through the crowd trying to hear him. I can't get close enough to him to find out, but I overhear someone else speaking....and they're saying that J got the lead. He will be playing the part of Remi (where did that name come from?) who is the male lead. You know, the one all the women want to be with. the dream I remember being really excited for J, and also having this feeling of knowing the whole time that he would of course get that part. He is so talented and amazing. And there was a moment in the dream where I felt really left out, because I didn't get the female lead role. And then at that point.....I woke up.

And all morning I have been thinking and thinking about this dream. And wondering what on earth does it mean? Or does it mean anything at all?

And I think I've figured it out. A small, still voice whispered to my heart. And showed me that I was focusing on the wrong part of the dream. It wasn't about what part J got at all. That was just to remind me of how awesome I know he is. What I was supposed to realize was the part that I was supposed to play. Ah, yes.

The good wife. Can I do that? Will I?

See......things have been busy here. And we are not even busy with lots of activities. It's just the everday responsibilities of having four littles and a house and chickens and a dog. There is so much work to be done. And often my interaction with J can easily be about daily chores. That's just how it is. And this was a good reminder to me that my number one priority is being an awesome wife to my man! I do love him so much. He still takes my breath away, even though it's mostly over a cup of coffee at the table with a baby on his lap. I was his before I was a mother. And I want to honor that.
That's all.

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