Home Again

We are on the mend.  And home now.  For those of you who maybe haven't heard yet, I apologize for not calling each of you, but we were preoccupied just getting better.  What happened?  We had carbon monoxide in the house on Saturday and were taken to the hospital for treatment.  We are doing better now though and I thank you for your prayers and support during this rough time.

I thought I'd share our story in case it helps any of you.  I pray though that you will never have to know these things but just in case you do, here's our story.  First, we have the flu.  We started with it on Saturday morning.  Fevers, vomiting, coughs, the whole nine yards.  Because of the fevers it was hard to know that we also were being exposed to carbon monoxide.  We just kept thinking we were so sick because of the flu.  Finally in the afternoon I lay down for a nap, and as I lay down I just had this feeling about it being CO poisoning.  But I just brushed it off and took a nap anyway.  When I woke up several hours later I had a screaming headache.  I came downstairs to find all the kids really lethargic and Joel was sick too.  Then the dog threw up.  And I realized something just wasn't right.  See the thing about CO sickness is it can be disorienting.  So make sure to always have working CO detectors in your house.  They need to be replaced every two years and check the battery every six months.

At this point I asked J to check the CO detector (which wasn't working) while I called poison control.  I just wanted to find out what the symptoms were.  The nurse at poison control was super helpful and suggested that we just get out of the house and drive into the bigger city nearby to get a new CO detector.  He said if we felt better once we were in fresh air to just go to the emergency room.  So we bundled up all the boys, opened the windows for the poor dog and drove into the city.  J and I noticed that we did feel better after the drive in.  But we decided to just purchase the new detector and go home and plug it in.  It was so hard to know what was going on with having the flu at the same time.

When we got home the new detector went off immediately so we called the fire department and they came right away.  They pulled us all into the ambulance to check our CO levels and we all had elevated levels.  So they took us in two ambulances into the hospital.  It was so scary.  I felt so bad that I hadn't followed my instincts earlier.  Watching little Hen with the oxygen bag on and little Owl, who by this time was barely awake.  Ugh.  It was horrible.

But the goodnews is that it was totally treatable and although we did have elevated levels it could have been much much worse.  They treated us with oxygen for a couple of hours until our levels came down and they sent us home.  Well not home actually, to J's parent's house.  The firemen and our local utility company had checked our house out and found nothing.  Isn't that strange?  And even today, we had a furnace guy come and check out the house again before coming home and he found nothing too.  He did install an extra fresh air vent into the house though and I feel much better about things now.

Anyway, here's what I learned about carbon monoxide in case you'd like to know.  First of all, not all CO detectors are reliable.  The fire department suggested that we get the kind that plug in because they are super reliable.  Also, detectors should be installed lower to the ground, because CO is a heavy gas.  This is one of the reasons that pets usually get sick when there is CO in the house, because they are low to the ground.  When all of this was happening our kids were all sleeping on the floor, which is the worst place to be.  If you think you might have CO in your house, it's best to just get out.  Open some windows and doors and just get out.  CO poisoning can be disorienting so it's best to just call someone for help.  Don't just brush it off.  I keep thinking about how we could've all just kept sleeping that night.  We are so blessed to be alright.

What They're Up To

I hope you'll indulge me, as I feel I need to take a moment to think about my brood and celebrate some of the growth that has happened these past few months.  I find that our days get so busy, and we get so "in the flow" that I forget to stop and celebrate the growth.  Yes, it's just normal growth, but it's life!  And it should be celebrated.  :)

 Hen.  Hen is going to be two soon.  Hard to believe, but true.  I snapped this photo of him today.  He LOVES the wooden train set.  In honor of his birthday, and perhaps also so that we could be a little more productive with other projects while Hen is busy, we moved the train table back into our main living area.  He was thrilled.  The boys think his birthday cake should be a train, and I am trying to wrap my creativity around that idea.  I guess we'll see what I can come up with.

 Hen and Owl are learning to be brothers.  They seem to be at a stage that they either adore one another or abhor one another and I feel like I can not leave them alone for a second for fear of someone getting hurt.  It can be a challenge, but I'm so glad that there is passion between them and I am hopeful that they will work through this and be the best of friends.  Owl loves being a big brother, so long as Hen doesn't take something that is his.  LOL.

 Owl is learning how to read.  He mostly likes to memorize things, but is starting to understand the sounds and even some words.  He loves the idea of knowing how to read and "reads" me books before naptime.  It's adorable.  He's adorable.  For the most part, he spends his days being quietly busy.  He is active and talkative and will sit and work on a project for a good long time.  He also loves to run and often can be found running from the front to the back of the house, saying, "Mama look how fast I can run!"  :)

 Cricket.  Cricket is growing up so fast.  The change between six and seven is huge.  He is more dependable.  More self aware.  More capable.  He's still the same goofy, happy child, but he is more thoughtful about other's feelings now.  He is learning some self control in a few areas that have been hard for him.   He's thriving at homeschool co-op, and is glad that he recently auditioned for a singing solo in the musical and got one!  Whoo hoo!

And Badger.  Badger also will be singing a solo in the musical.  He has memorized every song already and is figuring out how to read music.  He is learning to be a kind and patient brother, and is often helping me with Hen.  (Hen's favorite lap is Badger's) Another really huge thing for him, is that he is starting to understand the responsibility he has for his own learning.  I think because he started reading so early, he became used to me "feeding" his brain for him, since I had to preread many things before giving them to him.  I also have had to "feed" his brain to keep him from getting bored and cranky.  Now, he is learning about his own need in this area, and is willing to put some work into his "learning time".   He's starting to understand that in order to learn some things he's really interested in, he'll have to learn certain less desirable things first, and he is willing to put some effort into these kinds of things.  I feel so proud of him about this, because I don't think I figured this out until, well, yesterday.

Retreat

As I write this, the boys are running wild, the man strumming his guitar fueling it all.  It's so loud in here with giggles and wild singing that I can barely hear myself think.  Yesterday, when I left for a day of retreat, I didn't know why I was going.  It never really seems that I need a break.  Now that I'm on the other side of it, hulligans running wild, I see it clearly.  I needed some quiet.  Some times with friends and time alone.

The retreat was with some friends from our church.  Older ladies, younger ladies, all of us just seeking some time away.  Time to grow closer to God.  Time to listen.  Time to just be.  It was so good.

I drove there with a good friend and it was so nice to have time to just chat without being interrupted by a child.  Between the two of us we have eight, so this is highly unusual.  I had time to sit during meals and not get up fifty times to get something for someone.  I had time to crochet without feeling like I should be cleaning something.  I got to go for a walk by myself outside!  All of this felt so luxurious, and although I honestly really love being a mother and homemaker, it was so nice to have a break just for a day.

The boys had a splendid day with papa too.  They spent time with their woodworking, had a trip to the library, and played legos with papa all afternoon.  I came home to find everyone all ready for bed and a general atmosphere of peace and happiness.  The house however, was only 57degrees!  Apparently there was some trouble with the thermostat and J hadn't time to fix it while he was watching the kids.  Ah, so he did have a little bit of the experience that I have most days of trying to juggle it all.  :)

He fixed it after a few minutes of my arrival home and we had a good night snuggling in together.  I love this little family.

Not Feeding the Cat

One day last summer, I was in the garden at twilight, weeding, tending.  That's when I first saw her.  This little fluffy kitten, crying this loud, growly-sad cry.  She was walking right on the fringe of the woods and I so wanted to go pick her up and bring her home.

I could tell at once that she was not someone's kitten.  She was so little and it didn't make sense for such a little kitten to be in the woods crying and wandering on her own.  When I stood to see her better, her long grey tiger fur stood on end and she gave me a warning snarl.  She was definitely not a tame kitten.  I called to her, because isn't that what you do when you see a kitten that needs you?  "Here kitty, kitty".  No, really.  That's what I did.  So incredibly stupid, but truly that was my action.  At that, she jumped up a tree, realized it wasn't going to work, fell, and ran into the woods without a second thought.

I saw her all last summer.  Her paw prints in our sandbox (and maybe some other "proof" of her too).  Glimpses of her in the sunflower patch and lying under the grapevines where the earth is cool and damp.  She grew, and by fall was a lovely, long haired, tiger girl.  And whenever I saw her, thriving as she was, I thought she must be someone's cat afterall.  Because a "wild" cat couldn't possibly survive without a human (without me?).   At least, that is what my slightly arrogant "here kitty, kitty" attitude privately thought.

A few days ago we had a doozy of an ice storm.  And then yesterday I saw her again.  Same long grey fur.  This time at night, twenty degrees, long hair completely frozen into long drips of ice.  She was in the neighbor's driveway.  When she saw me through the window she ran across the road and onto another neighbor's porch.  And again, I immediately thought I must do something!  Wild cats can't survive with ice for fur.  She must need me.  I thought about how to feed her or entice her to my porch.  Only to give up my schemes when my very realistic husband told me I was absolutely not aloud to put food out for her or waste the $7 a gallon milk on some cat. (cats don't even digest milk well he says)

Today I saw her footprints on my porches.  Both the front and back.  Oh, and she ripped the garbage bag and had some supper.  So, I guess I had already unintentionally put "food" out for her.  And as I cleaned up the mess and swept up the snowy pawprints I realized that I go about my life thinking that I must help all the wild cats of the world.  Sometimes the wild cats are people who are in need.  Sometimes they are people who really would benefit from me stepping in to aid, but sometimes it is not helpful at all, even though I think it is.  Sometimes, though I am ashamed to admit it, the wild cat is a person that *I* think is in need of my help, but that's not the case at all.  I wonder how often I've stepped in and "helped" when really it's just come off as me being arrogant or nosey or bossy or the like.  "Here, kitty, kitty."


Oh, to see the heart of those around me.  That I could truly learn to see intentions and feelings and kindness when it is there right before me.  That I could set aside my own judgements of what *I* think is best or right and just look to what is True.  To truly love without judgement, without having to think it all through and decide about anything.  But to just love.  That is what I want to learn.  I so wish I had learned this at a younger age.  I often feel like I am just stumbling through.  Perhaps this part of the journey is just like that, and I will get better at it as I go.

Little Men

Recently, a lady from our town decided to give away some old books.  They had belonged to her mother who is now in her eighties.  There were two bags of them.  All from the twenties, published on "wartime" paper.  Several Alcott, a book of poetry and other books of which I had never heard.  How this woman, who I do not personally know, found me to give them to is somewhat of a mystery.  And since, I think of these delicious books as valuable treasure, I am inclined to think that somehow God's hand was in this.

Today, my Badger found Little Men.  He's read Little Women.  Back when he was six.  He loved it.  I was so glad.  Today he started this one and after reading about the Saturday night pillow fights, decided it was delicious too.  

I delight in having a boy that loves to read as much as I do.  It is such a privilege to be able to find books for him to devour.  I used to think it a burden, because finding things that were age appropriate yet still engage him, has been time consuming.  Now as he gets older, and I know him even better, I am finding more and more things that he is ready for and it is so amazing.  He is reading and thinking and his mind is being shaped by these books.  What a privilege to be part of that.

February 22

All I need

Still writing it down.  All the gifts.  Taking notice.  Awakening to God's love, and seeing, really seeing that I've been given all that I need.

 White roses opening, opening.  Sweet smell fills the air.  Given in love from my husband.  Ever giving to me in so many ways.

 Owl's little hands scooping seeds for the birds.

Walks with my boys.

Arms to hold them.  Hands to wipe noses and dry tears.

The purple teapot.

New bird feeders.

Sleep.  Cozy bed.  J's warmth.

Clean water.  Bath tub to hold them all.  Splashes, laughter, brothers.